i have this problem.. things that i hate.. tend to go further. take for example.. the most heard (then) song , mary. she's a nightmare. she's haunting. she brought me down and everyone linked me to her and some even asked if there's going to be another song like that. NO! hahaa.. mary is scary enough.. haha.. though i did tell mark seow to do a rock version of it with his then-band.
this time... it's a mushy-lovey-dovey song that got into the finals (thanks guys for all the moral support.. thanks to candy and qiaoyan for giving me their support right there and then.. haha). well.. i'm exhilarated of course.. i get to sign a contract with rock records over publishing copyrights and hopefully (cross my fingers) sign me on as songwriter ($$$$$$$...) but no that won't happen. haha.. for i realized my stuffs are crap compared to the rest.
i've always thought highly of myself.. the stuffs i write that is. i've always thought they were good. but now i think it's mediocre. that's the cruelty of competitions man.. it either brings you up... or it smashes you right down to a pulp. let's just say i belonged to the second category.
when it was my turn to sing.. let's just say i had a very difficult time getting into the i'm-so-bloody-in-love mood. i had to practically see a judge (the shuai-est) as tony leung chiu wai. haha.. i smiled a lot... to cover up my trembles.. and i had to hold the mic with both hands... turned out to be a good bet.. my friend said i looked so calm and composed.. her morale was high... hahaha... i can act better than chen fengling i guess. haha.. and a lot of people.. i don't know them.. cheered us when we ended.. a pleasant surprise.. kudos to these unsung heroes.
out of 5 judges... only one (and expectedly a female) commented that she had an impression of this song. well well.. not that i'm disheartened or anything.. haha.. but that judge! i spent so much time looking at you and you didn't mention anything.. wah lau waste my imagination. haha..
then the contrast of feelings came.. i'd actually rather not get into the finals. because i have to go through the whole confidence-smashing thingie all over again. i have to skip work because of this. haha.. and actually.. i'm more excited planning for entries to next year's competition.
the overall comment for this year's entries were that there were too little alternatives... haha.. that gives me reason to do my favourite genres of music, jazz and bossa nova.. i've longed wanted to compose something of my own.. and thus have decided to go learn the bloody guitar. piano sometimes just doesn't do it. i've already been inspired by chen qi zhen and sung si kyung and norah jones and ono lisa. man... sometimes.. you've just gotta do something you like.
i don't have to be the best. i tell myself that.. and perhaps one day.. i'll just be a pure music-lover.. a pure listener.
listening to: sung si kyung -- shall we kiss?
whatever you want here
