coloured hair and weak legs.
i've just coloured my hair with the latest brand, currensia. bought it all because it was on sale at watsons. my top choice was actually the new colour booster from loreal... which can make hair go ultra brown without bleaching.. JUST WHAT I AM DREAMING OF! but well.. but i took into consideration my mum's heart.. so i settled with a more harmless colour.. copper blonde or something. the name's biscuit... now it's more red then brown. argh..
anyway.. my legs are weak cuz i stood for too long while bending down to the tap to wash off the colour.
gee. i feel damn uncomfortable.
and somehow.. i feel like i'm losing my friends. old ones... new ones.. everyone.
aiyoh.
listening to: myself
why i should stop being reduced to an idiot.
i exchanged daniel radcliffe for a bowl of piping hot pig's spine meat soup... not that it tasted bad... but the idea is silly. downright silly.
well i guess for the rest of june and july.. i shall stop meeting up with anyone or any groups of friends after my work... it just doesn't work out after too many tries. most of the time we meet at a time too late for me and too early for others... if they even remember in the first place. i don't have that much time to go home but yet too much time to wander around. so... exclude me people.. EXCLUDE ME.
secondly... i actually feel guilty not going home to my mother's cooking. too much tv perhaps.. but the idea of my mum and dad having dinner with another each other for company sounds lonely.
and today i found out that i quite enjoy eating alone. no need to wait for anyone.. no need to have everyone's decision and i can eat anything i like. take my lunch for example.. i sat through it with mates whom only one i could communicate with... one of them whom i particularly don't have any positive feelings about... said things that left me speechless. she said "you will regret not coming to our concert yesterday." ... HOW DO I BLOODY HELL REPLY TO THAT?! so i just ... "oh" and continued with my food. sheesh.
well... then instead of a normal twenty minutes ride home to a wonderful dinner... i took a 30 minutes train ride... spent 1 hour walking around like a living dead.. ate a bowl of spine meat soup then go home. does that sound sensible to anyone? well.. it certainly does not sound sensible to me, at least. which brings me to the point why i should just stay at home and spare myself much agony from time uneventfully wasted.
which also brings me to the realization that i must always turn up early to any event so that i reserve the right to be pissed. but that's pretty silly for me isn't it? considering that i'm the one who gets to suffer. i never had a problem with it. seriously.. not yesterday (really) because something fruitful DID eventually come out of it.
oh well.. guess it's just my luck huh? i'm part of the vicious cycle so i should just bloody shut up.
oh. do i sound sarcastic or bitter in any way? i do? but i think i deserve to be.
I BLOODY HELL DESERVE TO BE.
listening to: myself
why this always happen
i'm always stuck in some phone dilemma. first it was gd88...now it's mitsubishi's M750... it always tears me apart.. when i held it in my hands.. it feels like it so belongs to me and it's screaming "buy me! buy me!" .. okie i'm getting delusional here... see! see what a phone can do to me?!
okie.. i'm a gadget freak.
i've decided to perm my hair a bit before school reopens. i don't know.. just in time to go with my new image for my big 2 in september? yikes. i'm depressed. depressed over the fact that i'm getting older! what have i been doing all this yearS?! in fact.. it's only until now that i truly enjoy school.
nope. you didn't read wrongly. i truly enjoy school. in fact.. i'm missing it already. undoubtedly the fact that i'm finally doing something fine academic-wise do make me like school better.. but it's also the feel.. the food.. the friends... haha..
oh dear. scary leh.
listening to: myself
why i shouldn't try
just got back from dinner with thong, hongjie, qiaoyan, wansi and nankai. not exactly the usual few... and perhaps that explains the whole... funny atmosphere around.
i don't know. is it just me or were things really different? perhaps candy wasn't around... so .. you know... the whole familiar circle changed a bit. and i guess everybody wasn't used to that. during dinner... the thing got a bit bad.. or in fact... from the moment we met .. it got weird.
some hardly breathed a word. some tried too hard.
it wasn't meant to be jinglin gathering... another side of that or whatever. no no no.. it was just meant to be a dinner. a dinner which sincerely... i saw it as a breather for me. i'm sorry.. my illness kept me pretty much at home... i need to go out! but then.. it sorta made things worse. like.. u know.. something at your chest.. u can't get it out.. u can only feel worse.
this is like the clearest sign that convinces me that i should just sit around.. waiting to be called into gatherings. NEVER NEVER try doing one.. especially when the usual fews aren't around.
now i know what the government is talking about when they say "complacency".
listening to: nothing
all that's well ends well
can i totally compliment my doc for giving out MIRACLE PILLS? my stomach had been bloated for more than 24 hours... something so horrible no one should ever go through.. i'm serious.. ur stomach feels like there's a big ball inside... it won't budge.. it just press against ur tummy that u feel ultimate pain.. i wonder how i lived through it for so long... haha... and one pill from my doctor and VOILA. it was gone before i knew it. oh my god. haha..
well well... nothing much happened 'round town these days.. the pin guan concert was pretty good.. but i wished i could have spent more time in town with qiaoyan and wanz... but thanks to the hard rock's ice cream.. i totally gave up... i felt nauseous and my shoes were practically eating into my feet.. ouch~!
after i got home.. i skipped dinner... threw up and worse still.. ate almost nothing at the father's day lunch the next day. ARGH. visited the doctor... which eventually saved my life but the next two days was hellish as well. gee... bad bad bad dumplings.
also... farewell to jingxian... my beloved colleague/senior who has left me for a perm job.. now i'm alone at iras... although there are some new lunchmates.. haha.. i will miss you~!
listening to: nothing
breathing again
...finally. well not too well though.. cuz i think my sudden change to a heartier dinner didn't go quite well with my tummy.. now i'm a bit bloated.
i only hope everything that should have ended has ended..
well...just an update on my health for my friends who are concerned.. thanks guys~
listening to: nothing
what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
i'm still sick. worse than before even.. diarrhoea today plus throwing up. i even had my finger in my mouth to make me puke.. goodness. someone tell me what the hell is going on.
listening to: nothing
it hasn't been my week
really. been plagued with gastric problems and even slight food poisoning. and i refuse to even think about the particular food that caused all this. the thought of it makes me wanna throw up.. literally.
been classfied as a gastric problem...which i never knew i had. so i'm going to be a good girl and take breakfast.. something which i never really did for all my life. i can't take breakfast.. eating soon after waking up is a torture. it kills man really. i'm in fact too tired to even open my mouth and chew.. haha. serious.. cuz i already don't get enough sleep and thus.. ooh the grouchy me sets in. hahaa~~~
anyway.. welcome back wanhui! hahaa.. oh man.. how i envy her.. the glorious sky, the sparkling sea, the bustling streets, the pure freedom of the air in london... i wish i can be there too.. or.. just let me take a break from work and dream about it in my slumber would be good enough.. but nope.. i don't get enough sleep as stressed yet again.
someone save me~!
listening to: nothing
sometimes... it just doesn't work out
it feels like you are caught in quicksand. you were crazy enough to think that the trip to where the quicksand was was worth everything. then you realized it wasn't so. the reason why you thought that way almost doesn't stand anymore.
with one leg caught in it.. there's no way you can get out. you are filled with reluctance.. who wants to die anyway? but you don't have a choice.. you thus can only see yourself being buried altogether... and you stop breathing with a hint of regret.
maybe that's how things are most of the time. you don't see it coming and when it does.. it hits you straight in the face. or maybe you saw it coming and you thought you could handle it. well it of course turns out that you can't.
dreams don't come true for everyone. not at the same time at least. so you win some, you lose some. i lost my freedom and i won depression, regret and insecurity. good deal.
listening to: utada hikaru - dareka no negai ga kanau koro
updates on me
haha. well well.. this is just another ranting session really. haha.. just some updates on me.. on things i'm doing now.. things i will do and things i did.. haha.. another way to remind myself and getting a grip of things too. haha
i'm currently:
- feeling: sickish.. and my ma is making me drink weird stuffs
- reading: romance of the three kingdoms
- listening to: utada hikaru
- loving:
1. wang xue bing... my fav. actor now.. who's a prc. haha...his characters are cute.. honest.. woodblock but also clever.. and always comes up with very humourous actions and expressions despite the seriousness.. haha.. oh man...
2. jeon ji hyun
- watching:
1. yojo lady..starring kim hee sun, ko soo (i think) and the jeon ji hyun-lookalike from wishing stairs.. it's the korean remake of japan's show starring nanako matsushima.
2. don't talk to strangers.. cuz it has wang xuebing.. it's a china drama on spousal abuse.
3. the death order.. a period drama starring wang xuebing too.. oops. haha.. sorry ah. i love him.. really.
- wearing: more of giordano/esprit/s&k
i'm going to:
- watch: harry potter 2
- read: the rainmaker...again. haha
- study: jap 3, stats 2, EL1101.. introduce some good mods and take with me! haha..
- buy: some simple tees and a pencil case from 37 degrees and a belt
- start: cycling around my block
i'm waiting for:
1. the first wang xuebing show i've watched to repeat on channel 54.
2. school to start.. really.
3. my hair to grow longer.
4. my inspirations to come.
5. my pay.
listening to: nothing
succumbing to tempations and all
i've succumbed to giordano and jeon ji hyun's ad.. apparently putting it as my background gave me all the negative energy.. weakening my determination to not get another pair of jeans.
well yes. i bought the giordano real indigo jeans.. i had almost bought the levis one.. but gawd bless me.. the giordano one fitted even better.. saving me a hundred bucks. it was the super low rise cutting.. which i was apprehensive of since i'm too fat for cuttings too low.. but the giordano one didn't go too low.. cuz i bought one size bigger. haha~~!!
oh well.. it sure does feel good succumbing to tempations. but considering that it's roughly my tenth pair now. i'd better stop. haha..
listening to: nothing
