it's starting to rain these days.. what a refreshing change. have had enough of scorching sun and humid air.. now i need fresh breeze and sometimes... rainy clouds.
everyday... at the end of the day... just as when i was about to sleep.. or perhaps while i toss and turn in my bed.. i think about my life. my day... my everything. sometimes i can make out something from it.. but most of the time.. i don't.
like for example.. why do i think i'm losing my friends?
it was a sudden thing.. like a thought that just struck me from nowhere. at the moment when i thought of this.. i guess something
gripped me from inside and i hurriedly searched around for things to reassure me that i'm not.
did i manage to find it? i'm not sure.. i'm not even sure if this feeling is gone by now. i guess it lingers.. and it doesn't go away that easily.
i think i assume too much responsibility, or so to speak. i see myself as too important. and like i told a friend, i don't like the feeling in which i feel that i can't live without somebody but that someone can jolly well live without me. i guess that really applies to everything i have. it's sad.. it's pathetic.. and it's probably ten thousand times more serious that what i'm really feeling now.. but oh well.. in simpler terms... i'm feeling insecure.
but why do i feel insecure? because i don't have a more colourful life than some? or is it because i have less stories to tell? i guess i must say it could be both.. it could be none.. it could be more. i'm envious of so many out there... simply because their lives sound so much more interesting than what i have here.
i must battle this somehow, don't i? but i must say i don't wallow in self-pity that much nowadays.. the situation has gotten better. i forget things like that easier.. forgive and forget?
i treasure this.. for my good feel is just like the rain... refreshing yet gone before you knew it.
listening to: lin jun jie -- jiang nan
whatever you want here
