hyesung with jihoon... i'm gonna post more b/w pics so that it goes with my layout.. haha.. and hyesung's got nicer b/w ones anyway..
i didn't want to post hyesung's picture today... because i actually hadn't quite got out of the whole depression thing. but i guess putting his picture can make my day feel a little prettier...
it's times like this when i have to fight my own depression. it's not a clinical one... but it sure is chronic. no.. not the kind that will do really crazy things or anything.. but it does eat me. i can feel depressed and bad things that happened eons ago come to my mind and add on to the effect. then it snowballs.. then i feel worse. haha.. sometimes i get quite exasperated.. how come things like that happen? how come it makes me feel like i'm going crazy all over again for the nth time? hahaha....
and it's things like that that make me feel different from everyone else. as in.. abnormal.. sometimes i'm scared of myself. sometimes i drown myself in bad thoughts.. negative thoughts and self-criticism. then i feel like i'm the last person who deserves to be on earth. but then again.. i love life so much.
yes.. i'm loving my life. i can be broke.. i can be fat and ugly... i can have no one beside me... but i love my life. i love staying alive and simply breathing. it's not like i've lost everything.. have i?
i guess i'm still positive.
man i don't know what i'm writing.
listening to: zhao wei -- jian jian
whatever you want here
