the sky never looked so bleak. today is the day that i realize once again the idea... the truth and the hard cold fact that life... is fragile. it breaks so easily... you don't even know when.
it has been a year... since my sister recovered from cancer... and now it's back. i don't know why. i don't know how. i don't know even wanna know when. because it doesn't matter anymore. it won't make it go away.. because some things are just so ... there in your face. it blows up and you are caught unaware. she was about to get married. the dinner was booked... the cards printed.. everything was in place... then... it came. i think that's how life goes... you take something for granted when it's peace and all... so peaceful that you forgot what trials and tribulations you went through before coming to this peace.
my mother cried. my father cried. my sisters cried. i didn't. i was always the one around... telling them... hey.. cheer up! everything's going to be okay... don't worry! it will be fine! then i turn around and shed tears. i never cried before them. i cry in school, i cry to friends, i cry at work.. then i regain my composure and i'm able to laugh and smile and cheer my family up.
am i tired? yes. am i losing hope? frankly yes. i have a health checkup tomorrow and i fear the worse. but i want to be healthy. because i don't want my mother to cry. i don't want my father to cry. i don't want my whole family to break down in tears. i'm praying hard. i still have so many things to do. i've yet to be in love, i've yet to see shinhwa.. esp. hyesung in real life... hahaha~~ i've yet to be to tokyo and seoul.. i've yet to be the happiest person in the world.... so many things undone. i don't want to do them without my family members... all of them around me. i want them to see my happiness, judge my fortune and share my joy.
but i'm bracing myself. it'll soon be a new year. a new beginning. and somehow... i believe that things will change for the better. i know. i believe so.
because behind the darkest cloud... there's a silver lining.
listening to: myself
whatever you want here
