.. all the time.
yesterday.. i went to rvco's zhi yin concert at victoria concert hall. i miss the road to the hall from raffles city. it's a path much taken when i was still in rv.. when i faithfully attended sco's concerts... everytime we would meet at raffles city... have our lunch and laugh our way there. suddenly.. these nice memories just come to me and sweep me off my feet.
so many familiar faces... that familiar stage... that familiar angle... that familiar view. it's only been 5 years since i left rvco but it felt like forever. whatever that once was nice... was no more. things changed drastically. we were a family. a nice family of 80 odd people. i knew you.. you knew me... everyone knew each other.
now it has turned into an organisation.. boasting of so many people but yet the sound that came out from them and into my ears.. they make me sad. yes.. we are louder than ever. louder than we ever imagined. but it was scattered and dispersed. and it didn't have the.... warm and cosy feeling anymore.
we used to train like hell. because we knew we didn't have a choice. even if we couldn't make it.. we had to go on stage and compete with the rest. so we trained and trained. because we want to make the best out of whatever we had. because we want to do our best and disappoint everyone who was behind us. now? you train like hell because if you don't.. you don't even get to go on stage.
we are moving towards the same aim of course. maybe the end justifies the means. as long as you get a good name... a prize.. a good ranking.. perhaps how it was achieved... at what expense doesn't matter. maybe it's just me. i think it's sad. very sad. but maybe you guys.. under a new leadership.. which i don't really approve of anyway... think different. all that matters is to gain the attention of some particularly irritating ... i don't know what noun i should use to classify. it doesn't matter.
when the repertoire ended with ai shi qu... i thought i was going to cry. it was overwhelming.. the gaohu solo always stuck in my mind... so did the banhu part... so did the percussion.. .so did the cello bass... so did the guan yue... so did everything. overpowered by the intensity of my memories... i thought i was going to really cry there and then.
i miss rvco. i always say i don't.. but i do. i miss the good old days. i miss everybody whom i shared tears and laughter with. i don't think i can find these at where i am now.. and perhaps that's what make me miss them more.
i'm always saying things that i don't mean. i think i ought to live with honesty soon.
three cheers to rvco.
listening to: shinhwa -- story of sadness
whatever you want here
