it's pretty much a growing up thing. a phase that leads up to the big day when i'm 21.. when i step into adulthood. am i the only person who thinks about such things? and my 21st birthday is still two months away. lolz... am i kicking too big a fuss over this?
but still.. i see it as a reason for myself to actually start looking at my life and fix all the wrong things that should have been right. and probably the first thing to do is to come to terms with so many things.
i have come to terms with people excluding me out of their lives. it used to bug me a lot. seriously. i always feel left out when people don't include me in something, even when i wouldn't include some of them in my life. but it's the feeling of having it and then possessing the power to reject it. it's kinda wrong isn't it, the mentality in itself. is it just me or is it in everybody actually? maybe i'm too convicted to admit that i'm wrong... but then again... oh well. yes.. i'm coming to terms with it. i can't be in everybody's life can i?
coming to terms with this also means that i face the fact that not everybody likes me as much as i want them to be. yes.. sometimes i'm just this conceited bitch who feels that everyone ought to like me. yet again, it's my thirst for the power to reject, instead of being rejected. it really bugged me a lot for a recent period of time. but alas.. kudos to my forgetfulness, i got over it really quickly. i guess i'm making progress~
i'm also trying to come to terms that no matter how hard i try... i'll just be this one person who will never ever look or act as good as i wished i was. it's all about being realistic. i'm born like this... i should just accept who i am, shouldn't i? but i still feel bitter sometimes.. maybe i can only resolve this when i'm thirty.
listening to: clazziquai -- she is
whatever you want here
